Have you ever climbed into a public rubbish bin or find yourself in a
huge drain just to collect aluminium cans? Or perhaps having problem buying noodle
and two eggs for a family dinner? Or went into a drain besides a supermarket
catching fish for fun with your brother while the other childrens of your age are
having PS, PS2 and gameboy for entertainment? Yup I went through all that, at
the age of eleven. What do you do at the age of eleven? Tuition? Going to sport
complex for a jog? Karate lesson? Or a swimming lesson perhaps? I spend my time
walking around my hometown collecting aluminium cans at that age. I helped my
parents by carrying boxes of drinking water and blocks of ice to my dad’stall. And
I end up now being a NOOB in sports and i cant swim, not to mention being
teased by people around me. A hot shower is nothin special for a child but I can
only take bath outside my house using tap water spared in tank, in the night. The
coldness strikes right into my bones, and I realised how unfair and cruel this
world actually is. I hate rich people,some of them can get money easily without
much work and with money they have all the credits. I hate people who swims and
I hate myself cant fucking swim. I hate good-looking people and “nice-looking
people get it first”, I hate people who drives, cause my dad will never let me
drive (if you understand the importance of a car if it’s the only car in your
house). I hate everyone who is better than me, its not their fault actually and
I understand that. Throughout my life, I learn to remain silent, cause its the best
solution for every problem, I learn to lay low, I learn to be independent and I’ve
learnt the beauty of sadness . And for the same reason, I lost my ability to
socialise, I cant fuckin swim and that’s the way my emo-ism comes from. I know
exactly the value of money more than anyone of you reading this. I know how
much 50¢ cost, I’ll choose a 50¢ fried noodle rather than 7-8 ringgit’s food
which can fill my stomach. I’ll choose a 50¢ iced chinese tea rather than
starbucks or coffee bean to end my thirst, and that’s how much 50¢ is.
Maybe im such a freak to think differently than others or maybe im such
a lowlife and I can never be put under the spotlight. Maybe that’s how I should
live and maybe that’s destined.
